In order to express the importance of this story of communication I must first supply some background. I was 14 years years old and I just got back from my birth fathers house. He called my brother and I totally drunk and very irrational. He began screaming at me saying stuff like "you are efin worthless" "you are just an efin loser" to say it extremely mildly. My father whom I had defended and swore to my mom he was good had just betrayed me bigger than I have ever been betrayed. Anyways communication was simply cut off. I had completely stopped talking to him and avoided any attempts at contact he made. Until fathers day this year. I waited to post to assure I felt comfortable writing about such a personal and damaging event. For 18 years of my life I had no communication with my father but for all those years I have preferred to be called a name that not many call me, and he did, Christopher. I called and said happy fathers day, this is Chris. He lit up and said Christopher, is this really Christopher. I had nothing after that to say, for years I had thought about that call and when I made it everything I had practiced and fleeted my mind. He initiated every piece of the conversation for the first 5 minutes or so. Making sure I was doing good, how have I been, and most importantly if I fished a lot(as he was the one who taught me). Then he asked me how it was that he pissed me off, he had been confused and had a stroke and had forgotten some details, also being drunk at the time didn't help. I told him the things he said and he told me that he was very sorry for the things that he had said and done to hurt me. I am not sure if I believed him because it is what I wanted or if he meant it. I really think that he meant it. Our conversation included laughter as well, which was nice because that never was even a thought I had in all those years. Active listening was required to ensure that I heard everything right and processed the information accurately. Had it not been I may have never talked to him again.
Throughout the long stretch of time spent not speaking to my father I had assumed the responsibility of trying to make amends within my family, such as my mother and her oldest brother not speaking. I believe that I had taken on this task because I truly understand how important communication with family really is. Though I may not have loved my father all those years I never wanted anything bad to happen, and judging by the sound in his voice, the tone in his speech, and the joy in his voice he never for a moment stopped loving me. I truly wish that all communication could be as gratifying as this conversation with my father (whom has not been called that since that day).
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Unruley behavior
So it was a Sunday afternoon and I was outside enjoying a smoke with the downstairs neighbor. All at once the other neighbor came outside and began small talk, How's the weather, sure is windy, that kind of stuff, then as abruptly as he came out he began talking about how he had a stent inserted in his back and then removing it from his penis. I immediately began laughing, and it is not that it is funny at all, in fact it is horrible. I am unsure of why I do this it may be a masking technique i have developed to not show that I am really cringing inside. As he continued on with the story his details and comments and everything about it was horrible. But this guy came out of left field with a crazy story like this and I was totally unprepared for kind of conversation of that nature. Here at this apartment complex we obviously have an open relationship with one another, however I did not feel that I knew him well enough to where he would divulge such personal information. He had just recently been betrayed by his only friend in the state that moved here with him from Wisconsin. His girl went nuts and moved out and he was forced to go through this procedure by himself. I can sympathize with his conditions and find it amazing that he did this by himself (I am sure I may have needed mama, metaphorically). My interaction with him was not to say a healthy conversation because I couldn't keep myself composed. I have had a problem with this all my life as I stated in my intro. I am unsure of his reaction to my reaction because my eyes were filled with tears blinding me from his facial expressive reactions to my reaction. I am sure it wasn't a receptive look and for that I am sorry, nobody likes to be laughed at, but that is not what I was doing. Amongst my laughter I was able to find a not quite so funny spot in the story to apologize for laughing and express my condolences for having to go through such a procedure that I would probably never be man enough to do. Weather I am or not I do not know, but this was a compensation for my appalling behavior that was totally necessary. In our first few chapters I have not encountered any kind of behavior or theory that correlates with this type of defense. Another possibility is that it is just a part of my personality. I have always been the type that is easy to make laugh. My funny bone is very ticklish and always has been since I was a child. Hopefully this class can shed some light onto understanding different defense mechanisms that may aid in better communication within my social world.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
post 1 for interpersonal comm class
This is my first post into the the road ahead. I am going to post communication encounters and the outcomes if there are any. I will analyze the way I viewed things to the way I view now, presently speaking. I will put thought and clarity into my actions in order to help with future communication encounters. Hopefully a self reflection such as this will aid me in all aspects of my life. Communication is the key to success and without it I believe that we would be doomed. Too much communication can have hazardous results as well. Over explaining can lead to frustration and make things even more unclear than they were before. We must pick and choose our words appropriately at according times because once words are spoken they can not be unspoken! I try my hardest to apply such measures in my life it seems as though there is always someone out there waiting to push my damn buttons. However it is up to me to choose how I will let such a person affect me if at all. I try to find the humor in things, that is how I alleviate tension. I don't mean to laugh when something bad happens, but if you are there telling me the story it isn't that bad. My friend growing up was driving his '88 toyota tercel on an exit ramp and ran over a skunk. Straddling a big skunk in his little car threw him off the road and flattened two tires. His first call was to my house from a gas station nearby and he did not get any sympathy from me. Instead I erupted in laughter at that very thought, the might man made machine was thwarted by a stinky skunk. If you have ever ran over a skunk you know it doesn't smell good. I could smell him through the phone and realizing I wasn't going to stop he simply said "come get me" and hung up. I could have not laughed as hard as I did a chuckle would have been ok, but I have a very ticklish funny bone. The facts are he was alright enough to walk to the store and make a sound phone call, it wasn't that bad. He did not perceive it in such a way, hence I was called the asshole. A brief introduction with more current events to come.
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